It's been a while......

But I'm back. I can't believe that I haven't posted since January! I've just been so busy with work and family. I'm even pursuing my MBA now! It's just so hard to find the time. I was just here thinking how much life can change in just three years. Three years ago, I was living in a dumpy little 2 bedroom apartment with my three kids and barely making enough money to get by. I was on food stamps and almost got evicted. I had no confidence in myself anymore. I had been divorced twice and thought that the only men I could ever attract were losers. In fact, I had one really great guy around who was my friend but never seemed to look at me as anything other than that, even though I certainly looked at him that way.

Well, one night, things began to turn around. I started talking to this really wonderful man online. This man was certainly no loser. He was someone I could hold an intelligent conversation with. If I hadn't met him, there is no telling where I would be now. He showed me that I am smart, strong, and capable and that I am good enough to be loved by a decent man. If it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't have the wonderful job and nice, stable home that I have now. I would never have learned to love myself and have the ability to stand up for myself. I thank God every day for my amazing husband. He has truly been an answer to my prayers.

Life is Good!!

Hi! I hope this blog post finds everyone well. I was just sitting here thinking about my life and how God has been blessing me and my family. I started a new job on January 4, 2012, and I got my first paycheck Friday. It was amazing! It is more money that I have ever made in my life, and I'm getting to work at home as a full-time employee with benefits in a field that I really love! I have a husband who loves me with all of his heart and who I love with all of my heart, three children and three stepchildren (as well as one daughter-in-law) who I love very much, and one absolutely beautiful grandbaby who I also love so very much. (I know that technically Lillian is my step-granddaughter which some people may feel makes me nothing at all to her, but I plan to love her like a grandmother anyway, no matter what anyone else thinks or feels!) Things are really starting to look up. Bill is happy because he will actually be able to retire when the time comes. He thought he had lost his chance after his divorce, but he now feels that he is getting his life back. I am so happy that I have played a part in that because if anyone deserves a chance to have a good life, it is Bill. He is absolutely the most wonderful man I know and have ever known! I thank God every day that he and I have this chance to be together. If it weren't for him, I would still be that pitiful little doormat of a woman that everyone, even my so-called friends, just walked all over. However, Bill let me see what he sees when he looks at me, and I began to realize that I am someone who has something wonderful to offer. MeeMaw was right about him. She told him the first Thanksgiving we spent together at her house that I needed someone in my life to help me, and he has done that and so much more! He is my very best friend, and I love him soooo much! I praise you, God, for blessing Bill and me so much and for giving us both another chance at a wonderful life!!!  I pray that everyone gets such a chance! God bless!

New Job and Other Happenings

Good evening! I'm finally getting a chance tonight to sit down and write some in my blog. I started a new job on Wednesday, and it has been hard finding some breathing room. So far, I really love the job. The people are professional and very welcoming. I haven't seen a bad attitude there yet, which is really refreshing. It actually reminds me somewhat about how Smart Horizons was when I started. An added bonus is that a friend of mine that I worked at SH also works at the new job. She loves it there, and I believe I will, too. I'm making a significant amount more a year, and I get to work at home! You can't beat that with a stick, as Bill would say. LOL

Another great thing about this new job is that the tools required to do our jobs actually work, and we don't have to deal with antiquated equipment. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this will be the career I retire from.

We received some belated Christmas cards with gift cards inside them from my father and stepmother. I'm not sure if I mentioned this at all, but my dad and mom got divorced when I was 10 years old. My dad and stepmom married not too terribly long after that. I thought my stepmom was pretty cool at first, but my dad seemed begin to drift away from me once they got together. I was invited to spend the weekend at their house once, and when my dad came and picked me up, he talked to my mom for a few minutes at the front door. Well, Janice (my stepmom) got very jealous about that and proceeded to get drunk while I was there, and she and my dad started to argue. After that, I was never invited to stay at their house again, and my dad very rarely called me and never helped support me financially. It was like he divorced me just like he divorced my mom.

I wish more parents realized what something like this does to children. I felt rejected by my dad. A girl's father is the first man in her life, and when she feels thrown away by her dad, she just doesn't feel good enough for a decent man. If your own father rejects you, who on earth is going to want you? As a result, I married two not-so-good husbands who treated me exactly like I thought of myself.....like dirt under their feet. I did get three wonderful children from those marriages, but it doesn't change the fact that I no longer had a relationship with my father.

I keep wondering if maybe Janice kept him from calling me or visiting me all those years because she couldn't stand for him to have any contact with my mom. It wouldn't surprise me at all. What really upsets me about all this is that every time I am around them, she goes out of her way to put a guilt trip on me about never calling or visiting. First of all, why should a child as young as I was be expected to call her dad. Why couldn't he pick up the phone and call me himself?

The last straw happened yesterday when we received the gift cards. There was yet another guilt trip of a letter in the envelope. You don't do that when you're sending a gift. However, this is how it always is. Every time I see them, I get a guilt trip put on me by Janice. I'm sick of it, so I sent her an email and told her off. She needed to here all this. What a piece of work!

Well, gotta get to bed. I'll talk to you all soon!

Goodbye to 2011 and Hello to 2012!

The holiday season officially ends today. It has been a wonderful holiday here at the Hart house. We got to visit with Bill's son and his wife and got to meet the newest addition to the family, Ms. Lillian Jeanette Hart. What a beautiful little girl she is, too! Meeting Lillian was truly the most wonderful Christmas gift anyone has ever given us. I loved holding her and even getting a chance to feed her. It was truly an amazing feeling! I want to thank Joe and Sarah for making Amy and I feel like a part of the family, too, even though we are not blood relatives. Bill has been doing that all along, but it's nice when others give us that acceptance as well. It tickled me so much to see Sarah refer to me as "Grandma Julie" in the caption of one of her pictures and to hear Joe refer to Amy as "Auntie Amy." I love Bill and all of his children (and grandchild) very much, and I hope that I will always be allowed to be a part of their lives in some way.

Another wonderful gift I have received this holiday season has come from Bill's ex-wife Leanne. I've always kind of gotten the feeling that Leanne really didn't like me very much and would really rather me just not be around. However, things seem to have changed recently in that we have had some rather pleasant exchanges on Facebook in recent weeks.  The awkwardness that always seems to exist between a first wife and a second wife seems to be disappearing, and for that, I am grateful. It just makes things easier when we are all around each other. The children don't feel like they have to choose one parent over the other because we are all able to work together to make sure each parent gets equal time. Cooperation is always the key, and this holiday season has proven that it can be done and done very well.

This Wednesday, I start my new job working at Columbia Southern University as an instructional designer. I am excited about it but also kind of nervous. The job is pretty similar to what I've been doing with Smart Horizons, so I don't feel my work will be an issue. They obviously like my writing, or I wouldn't have been offered the job. I guess the simple fact that it is a totally new situation is what makes me nervous. It is more money than I've ever made at any job before, so I really want to do well. Keep your fingers crossed out there for me!!

For 2012, I've decided to do a project that was actually inspired by my step-daughter-in-law. The project involves taking one picture each day of the new year to represent the day. I'm going to start another blog to showcase these pictures. I think of it as a great way to look back when 2012 draws to a close and reminisce about all that happened throughout the year. It is also a way of looking to see how things differ over a one-year period. Instead of creating a blog post every day of the year, though, I will post one a week showcasing all the previous week's pictures with an explanation of how each one represents its particular day. It sounded like fun when I read about it in Sarah's blog, so I thought I'd give it a shot. The address for the new blog is http://yearofthehart.blogspot.com/

So, Happy New Year, everyone!! I hope 2012 brings you all everything you need and many of the things you want as well. God bless you all!!!