Why So Open?

Some people have questioned why I am so open about some of the things I’ve been through in my life. Well, let me ask you this? Why do you think some people don’t come to church? Have you considered that it is possible that some of these folks just don’t think they’re good enough to come in? When people first come into a church, what they see most of the time are people who look like nothing is ever wrong in their lives, and what they hear are people telling them how bad the things they do are. They begin to feel like there is simply no hope for them, so they leave and never come back. They feel as if they will never measure up to that woman up there leading the praise team or that man up there preaching, so really what’s the use?

I am of the opinion that it is important for ministry to let people know that they are only human, too, and they make mistakes. The trick is letting them know that they can rise above it and become something greater. The pastor at My Father’s Vineyard here in Pensacola is a wonderful example of this. He did some terrible things in his past, but he was able to rise up and overcome them to be an outstanding example to others. And you know something? He doesn’t mind telling anyone about his past because it shows them that he was weak, too. He even talks about some of the mistakes he makes even now. It lets people know that people in ministry are just people like the rest of us. So, come on, ministers! Show us what you got!

Of course, this doesn't just apply to ministry. We can all use things that we've been through in our lives to help others get through similar things. It's not a crime to tell people that you, too, are weak or have been weak in areas but were able to work through those things and become the person you are today. Don't be afraid to show weakness, and don't be afraid to admit when you don't know something or when you make a mistake. Allowing these things to show in your life can actually help others get stronger and pull themselves up, too. Our goal should be to build others up rather than tearing them down to make yourself feel better. Putting others down doesn't change bad behavior in others. It instead reinforces the behavior because they begin to believe that they are a failure and might as well not even try.

Try to look for the good qualities and reinforce those in people instead of always looking for the bad. You just might be pleasantly surprised at the results! :)

Casting Crowns--Stained Glass Masquerade

Christianity

Hi! I wanted to talk a little tonight about Christianity and what it means to me. First of all, I want to say that I am a believer, and I do consider myself to be a Christian. Unfortunately, my version of Christianity and the church's version of Christianity are not exactly the same. I believe that Jesus really meant it when He said that we should love another and that we should welcome one another in, even if they don't agree with us. However, I have noticed that the church seems to feel that it's perfectly acceptable to leave certain people out and control the way people behave.

Example #1: I went to Pensacola Christian School (now known as Pensacola Christian Academy or PCA) from nursery school to 5th grade. While I was there, I was told how to dress, what music I was allowed to listen to, and what television shows I was allowed to watch. If I deviated in any way from this, I was sinning against God. Since those days, I have noticed that Pensacola Christian College's main goal is to keep its students separated for the most part from mainstream society. In fact, they are trying to close down part of a public road to suit their purposes. Also, they tell their students how to dress and behave and do not allow them to date.

Example #2: I was raised in the Baptist church. This time, there was a pastor telling us what to do and how to live. Also, no other belief system in the world was correct except Baptists. Everyone else was simply wrong. I was also taught not to associate with people who did not believe, but in the same breath was told to witness to people about Jesus and tell them that they would burn in Hell forever if they did not accept him. Needless to say, it left me very confused. The Baptist church was where I first encountered the Rapture doctrine. You know the one. Jesus will return to earth and take away all the Christians, leaving everyone else to die horrible deaths at the hands of the Antichrist. Then all the Christians and Jesus would come back to a new earth and reign it forever. Again, there they go leaving people out again. I have always had a problem accepting a loving God wanting to see people suffer, but that's just me, I guess.

Example #3: I was a member of a small church here in Pensacola for 9 years. I did learn a lot there, but even they thought it was okay to leave some people out. They claimed to welcome everyone, but then they would use terrible, hateful words to describe people that were different than they. Again, in one breath, they would say love everyone and then call homosexuals a terrible hate word that I don't want to repeat here. The pastor of the church was very domineering and expected everyone to do everything he said. This is the same church where I was dismissed from a leadership position in a very humiliating way.

These experiences have led me away from church as I previously stated, but it does not change my faith in Jesus Christ and in Christianity. You see, true Christianity is not about following some doctrines and laws. It is about love. That's it. Pure and simple love, nothing more and nothing less. God IS love. And he loves us unconditionally, no matter what. I find it very unfortunate that the church and organized religion has taken Christianity and twisted it into something that people have no desire to be a part of. They are told, in essence, that in order to be accepted by God, they have to change everything that some pastor tells them they should. However, that is really not true. God accepts us just the way we are, and He wants us to accept others just the way they are. He said nothing about telling them everything they are doing wrong. What he did tell us to do was show them love and mercy because that is what Jesus would have shown if He was here. Telling people that they are bad all the time does nothing but encourage that person to be upset and angry all the time.

I believe in accepting everyone. I wish I could start a church because if I did, I would welcome anyone, no matter how they look or how they dress or what kind of lifestyle they lead. Yes, that means anyone from the LBGT groups are welcomed in. I just want a chance to let everyone know how truly loved they are. That is the one thing that Jesus stressed the most. If more people would show love and support to one another, how much better do you think this world could be?

Listen to the words:

If We Are the Body--Casting Crowns

Unbelievable!!!

Over the weekend, I found out that my 2nd ex-husband (the piece of work; his name is Jamie) moved again and wants our 8-year-old (Amy) to come and stay overnight at his new place on his next weekend. Normally, I would not have a problem with that. I don't believe in keeping children from their parents because when you do that you are punishing the child. I did, however, want to get the address and name of the person he was living with, which is my legal right. I mean, after all, I did let him know who I was moving in with and who would be living there when I moved from Milton to Pensacola. As Amy's father, I felt he had the right to know, even if I personally don't like him. Anyway, I wanted the name and address so I could check this new roommate out and make sure it was okay for Amy to be around him. See, my ex has not historically made good decisions throughout his life. After all, this is a man who invests in quick-rich-schemes all the time  instead of working for a living! And you know what? The schemes never work! Big surprise there, right??This is also the same man who married a 76-year-old woman when he was 48 so he could live off her money instead of getting a job. She just recently passed away, so who knows what he'll do next?

Jamie met his last roommate on Craig's list and now this one, too. He just moves into these places without making sure the people are not convicted felons or something and then wants to take Amy around them! He gave me a hard time about wanting the address and name of the guy, accusing me of trying to control who he takes Amy around. However, what I am really trying to do is keep Amy safe. Anyway, when I put this guy's name in the Clerk of Court's website, I pulled up a rap sheet as long as my arm. This guy has been convicted of burglary, possession of cocaine with intent to sell, possession of marijuana, assault, and cyberstalking. He was even arrested in April 2011 for something unknown. This guy even sells things from his house, what things I don't know. Jamie, however, thinks it's perfectly okay for Amy to spend the night over there with him!

I think not, but I'm really not sure what I can do about it. I don't mind if he just wants to take her for the day and bring her back at night. Unfortunately, you can't reason with someone like Jamie. He never feels like he does anything wrong.  If anyone has any ideas about how to handle this, speak up please. I need all the help I can get!

Church?

Good Sunday morning, everyone. It is Sunday, and I am sitting here listening to some praise and worship music. In fact, one of my favorite songs is playing: "Shout to the Lord". Some people that may be reading this know that I was once a praise and worship leader at a small church in Pensacola, Florida. The years that I did that were some of the most amazing of my life! I loved leading God's people in worship. I miss it to this day. I did get to a point, however, when I just didn't feel the joy I once I had, though. One of my best friends noticed it when it was happening, which he told me after the fact. I think much of it had to do with the fact that I no longer felt supported by other members of leadership, and that hurt me. There was a time when I took the praise team to a festival where other church choirs and praise teams were singing. I thought it would be a good way to let people know about our church. I asked the congregation to come and support us, but NO ONE but one person showed up! I wanted to step down then, and I went to my pastor and asked to do so. At that time, he talked me out of it, so I stuck with it for a while longer. Finally, it got to a point where I could no longer continue. Bill, who was my boyfriend at the time, and I decided to move in together, something I knew my pastor would not support. I decided I needed to step down at that time, and Bill and I went to talk to him so I could step down. He and his wife, as expected, were unhappy about the choice I had made but told me that I could lead worship the next day as usual. I spent that night preparing for worship, and I was happy and relieved because I had been honest with him. I was thinking that perhaps my honesty had led to me keeping my position as praise leader. I even felt more energized about worship than I had in a long time because I thought I had his support once again. However, when I got to church that morning, I was taken into the office and told that I had to step down that very day, something that I had not prepared for. I was devastated because I thought that I was going to be allowed to continue (however, I should have known better). I cried through the entire worship time and then could barely speak when I had to address the congregation about stepping down. When I left the church that day, I was determined that I was not coming back, and for a long time, I did not. I've actually only been back three times since then, and that was when one of favorite preachers was going to be there.

I just don't understand to this day why he couldn't have just let me quietly step down. I felt so humiliated. Maybe that was his goal. I don't know. Ever since that time, I have not really been able to go to church regularly. I have a very hard time trusting pastors and others in leadership after what happened. I had a found a church here in Pensacola that I really enjoyed, but even they started preaching things that I could not agree with. Also, I came from a church where you know everyone personally, even the pastor. This church, though, was so large that there was really no way to do that. I kind of felt like the needle in the haystack there. There was no personal touch.

Also, I have a hard time going to churches where people are excluded simply because of things in their lives that church people consider "sin". For example, I have a coworker who happens to be gay. No, it's not the same lifestyle that I have, but I don't consider it to be wrong. She and her partner are no different that my husband and I are, other than the fact that they are both women. They want the same things out of life and want nothing more than to be treated the same as anyone else. I see absolutely NOTHING wrong with that! My coworker is one of the most generous and caring people I know, but the church calls her sinful. You know something? Everyone has something in their lives that people are going to call sinful. Yes, that even includes pastors, evangelists, and worship leaders. I know of one pastor's wife who has a problem with an addiction to pain medication. How is that "sin" different from any other sin? It isn't. NO ONE but God should be judging anyone else because we all have things in our lives that may be considered "wrong" in someone else's eyes. There was only one person that ever led a perfect life, and we put Him on a cross!

I believe that we are supposed to love EVERYONE, even if their lifestyle is different than ours because that is what Jesus commanded us to do. "Love your neighbor as yourself." How much plainer could He be? However, these are the kinds of beliefs that are not popular in most churches here in Pensacola (and many other places) today, and that is why I am not in church right now. I want very much to go and worship the Lord, but I guess it will just have to be from home right now. Maybe one day I can find a church that truly welcomes all.

Love to all and God bless!!

Shout to the Lord

Fear of Being Alone

One of the biggest worries I hear a lot of women (and men, for that matter) talk about is the fear of living the rest of their lives alone. I understand that fear all too well, and it has led me to do some really stupid things. What I came to realize after my second failed marriage, however, is that it is better to live your life alone than with someone who makes your life miserable. My second husband was a real piece of work. He was constantly putting me down and telling me that my opinions were stupid and meaningless. In his mind, a woman (no matter what kind of education she had) was never as smart as a man, and she should totally submit to the man, even if he was dead wrong (which most of the time he was). At first, I did whatever he wanted because I was so afraid of being alone forever. I also had this idea that God wanted it that way. The Bible does say that a woman should submit herself to a man, right? However, it also says that a man should love his wife as Christ loves the church. Guess what? That means that he is supposed to love and respect her, not make her feel worthless and useless because she isn’t doing exactly what he wants just the way he wants it. 

Once I figured out that I didn’t have to submit to him all the time, things started to change. I started making plans about how I was going to leave him, and I started to no longer put up with his crap. He didn’t like that, and one night, he gave me the ultimatum that I talked about before. He solved my problem for me because I was able then to get out and away from him. However, that dark cloud of worry about being alone was still hovering over me, and I started looking for someone else right away which was a big mistake. I needed to take the time alone to sort out whom I was and what I wanted out of life on my own before involving someone else. I had three kids to think about as well. I went through a series of losers, one of which was so much like my second husband that it was scary! I even had my eye on someone who lived in another state but never really gave me an indication that he wanted to be anything more than friends. When I got to that point, I just stopped looking and started trying to figure out how to be on my own and independent. Well, lo and behold, not too terribly long after that, this wonderful man named Bill came along. He had been through a similar experience as me, but he had been married much longer. That did almost scare me off, but he had also taken the time to examine the things that went wrong in his first marriage and knew exactly what he wanted in a relationship and wasn’t settling for less, just like me. He noticed, too, that I was doing pretty well on my own and had no issues with neediness. Like him, I didn’t NEED someone in my life to make me happy. I simply wanted someone to share my life with, just like him. So we started talking online and finally met each other in person. From there, we fell in love, moved in together, and got married. We both say that we are happier and more content than we have ever been in our lives. For him to say that after being married for 25 years is incredible and makes me feel like the most wonderful wife on earth! I love him dearly and wouldn’t trade him for all the tea in China (one of his favorite sayings)!

Although I am now happily married, I still worry sometimes about being alone one day, but I know now that I can make it. And remember this, ladies (and men). You are never really alone if you have faith in God, a family, and friends that care about you. Having a romantic partner doesn’t always stop you from feeling lonely, either. Being with someone who makes you feel worthless is much worse and can leave you feeling lonely and sad, even when you are still in the relationship. Find out who you are on your own and become independent. I promise you that you will feel empowered and confident in yourself, and it will show to others. And you know what? That is exactly the kind of woman a good man is looking for (and the kind of man a good woman is looking for).

Declare Your Independence!!

Okay, ladies, I know that many of us women have been brought up to believe that we are supposed to care of everyone else’s needs ahead of our own because that is what good wives and mothers do. Okay, I agree with that…….but only to an extent. You see, what seems to happen is that you get married and you have the kids, and then your life is no longer your own. It becomes all about the husband and the kids, so much so that there is really nothing left for you. It’s not just wives that experience this, either. It is the same in a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, especially when they live together. The fact of the matter, ladies, is that you HAVE to take time for yourself and pursue the things that make you happy. Being able to do so is what helps you learn to love yourself and be truly satisfied with your life. The man and the kids get to do things they enjoy. What’s wrong with you doing things that you enjoy? Stand up for yourselves, ladies, and declare independence! Take your life and make it your own again! This doesn’t mean you don’t still care about your family and still do things with them and for them. What it does mean, though, is that you take time to do things you enjoy and you get to know yourself as who you are instead of as someone’s girlfriend, wife, or mother because you are more than that!

Incidentally, your family will be much better off, too, because you will be happy and self-fulfilled. This, in turn, makes you more willing to help them with their needs with no complaints. If you have teenagers, they will tell you that you’re being selfish, but don’t listen. Enjoying your life is NOT selfish. It is a RIGHT that we all have and that we don’t give up just because we have boyfriends, husbands, or kids. Teenagers are simply selfish and think the world revolves around them, especially teenage daughters (this I know from experience!).

One more thing: if your man doesn’t allow you to do things that you enjoy and is not understanding about you wanting to do these things, he does not really care about you. All he cares about is himself and what he can get out of you. A real and loving man wants you to be happy and fulfilled in your life simply because you are the woman he loves, and he will do whatever he can to see that you are, even if it means having to help take care of the house and the kids. It’s his house and kids, too, after all, right? So, ladies, stand up to these men and children, and declare your independence!!! You will be glad you did!

Third Time's the Charm?

Last night, I posted some pointers about how to know if the guy you are thinking about is a good one or not. Many of you may be wondering how on earth I know some of this stuff. Well, the answer is that I've been there. I've had bad ones and good ones, and I have learned to note the differences. 

I am currently on my third marriage. The first two taught me some lessons that I'm going to share tonight. The first (and most important) lesson I learned was that you always have to keep the lines of communication open with your spouse or significant other. When you stop communicating, there is no relationship, and whatever love you shared dies because no one is there to tend to it anymore. It's like a beautiful garden. If left untended, it will wither away and die. Our marriage decayed to such a point that when Mike came home from work, he went straight to the bedroom with the computer and stayed on it until he went to sleep. He would barely even talk to me or associate with our two small children who were 6 and 4 at the time. This happened because we just couldn't talk to each other anymore without fighting. Unfortunately, much of this fighting was done in front of our children. Never fight in front of your children. They should never have to see that. What they should see is a what a loving relationship is like, so that they model that kind of relationship later. Many times, my husband would yell at me and belittle me in front of the children, which is also something they should never see. You should never want your children to think that those kinds of things are permissible in a loving relationship. Ladies, don't stand for your partner to talk to you that way. It is a form of emotional abuse and should never be tolerated.

Of course, there are always two sides to every story, and I had things that I did wrong as well. I didn't handle money right, and I didn't clean like I should. If I made a mistake with money, I would try to cover it up. Unfortunately, he was even angrier when the mistake was discovered. However, if he had been willing to work with me on these things instead of yelling and making me feel like dirt, perhaps things could have worked out. He eventually met someone else online and moved to Massachusettes with her. It was very painful, and it certainly did nothing to help my self-esteem.

After that, I did one of the stupidest things you can do after a breakup like that. I immediately started looking for someone else. However, what I really should have done was take time to myself to figure out what went wrong in the first marriage so I wouldn't repeat my mistakes. Unfortunately, I did not do that, and I ended up with someone even more domineering than the first one and married him. I think I married him because I figured that with two small children, who else would want to marry me? However, when you rush into a relationship that quickly after a breakup, what you end up with is someone eerily similar to your previous partner. That's exactly what happened, except to an even worse extreme. My 2nd husband wanted someone he could control and make into the kind of wife he thought he should have What he wanted was a wife who would agree with everything he said and did, have sex every time he wanted it, and make the kids into slaves. He took every opportunity to put down everything I did because it wasn't just the way he wanted. He did the same to my kids. We got to the point of hating him and not being willing to do anything he wanted. My kids really got upset after I gave birth to our daughter because he was not nearly as hard on her as he was on them. Finally, he decided that he would give me an ultimatium. Either I would be the kind of wife he wanted or it was over. It was over! I was tired of constantly being hurt and put down and watching my kids be emotionally abused as well. We subsequently got divorced, which was the best decision I ever made.

After that marriage, I started looking again for someone else. This was a big mistake again because I had not taken time to examine the marriage I had just come out of to see what I had done wrong. Along the way, I met a guy named Kevin who was very nice, but it just didn't work out. I tried way too hard with him and appeared too needy in his eyes. The only men you will attract when you act needy are the LOSERS! These are the guys who are after sex, and they figure you are so needy that you'll give it to them. And you know what? Those guys only contact you again when they are horny.

Good men are attracted to independent women. I figured that out eventually but not on my own. I met another guy named Joe who taught me that. I went out with a few losers after that, but nothing was ever serious. What going out with those guys taught me was what I DON'T want out of a relationship, so I could figure out what I DID want and not settle for less. I finally got to a point where I figured there was no one out there and stopped looking. Then, all of a sudden, I found someone very interesting on a site called Tagged. From that point on, I started to learn what a good man is really like, and I will never settle for less than that again. Bill thinks I am the most desireable woman in the world and tells me that I make him happier than he has ever been. He loves me just like I am, and he loves my children just like they were his own. He is my best friend, and I can talk to him about anything.

Remember this: if you want a sucessful relationship, always stay in communication with your partner, never let who you are get lost in what someone else thinks you should be, and treat your love like he is your best friend. Also, take some time to yourself after a breakup to determine what went wrong, and how you can avoid it happening again. Never settle for less than the best for yourself! Blessings to you all!!

My Baby Loves Me - Martina McBride

How to Tell if He's a Good Man

Finding a good man (or partner, as the case may be) is not as easy as it sounds. As someone who has had the experience of finding bad ones and finally ending up with an outstanding one, I believe I can tell you that the following list is a good way to determine if the partner you’re thinking about is a good one or not. (Those of you who never had a bad one won’t get it and tend to actually throw the good ones away. Oh well, your loss is definitely our gain!) If the man or partner you’re considering has the following qualities, grab a hold and do NOT let go! I know I won’t be!
1. A really good man treats his mother well but is not a "momma's boy". If he respects his mother and remembers her birthday and Mother’s Day, he is a keeper and lets you know how he will treat you in your relationship.
2. He stands his ground and is not easily influenced by other people’s thoughts or opinions. This shows that he has strength and confidence in his decisions.
3. He is open-minded and respects other points of view.
4. He does things without being asked. When men take the incentive to help you out, it eases your stress, and it proves he really cares about your relationship.
5. Constant communication about things is important in a relationship. Without open communication, there is no relationship. There should be no secrets between two people in a relationship. He should be your best friend, and the one you feel comfortable talking about anything with.
6. A good man puts his family (including the children) first above his own needs.
7. A good man walks the walk. That's right. He isn't all about just talking and telling you what you want to hear. He follows through on what he says he will do.
8. He has good friends and allows you to have good friends. These are friends that will not try to drive a wedge between the two of you, though. They must be friends that will uplift the two of you as a couple.
9. A good man knows when to let things go and doesn't burn bridges. Vengeance isn't worth it to him, and as a result, he takes the high road. It's a true sign of class.
10. The best one of all - a good man accepts you for who you are. He's smitten with you, tells you how beautiful you are without makeup, desires you no matter what, and respects you in every way. He makes you feel good and doesn't belittle you in the relationship, and he is NEVER violent with you. A violent man does NOT really love you. How can you love someone if you’re hurting them? If you feel comfortable and happy whenever you are around him, he's a very, very good man.

A good man will love you for what you are.....right now! Watch the video below.

Trisha Yearwood "Real Live Woman"

Welcome to My Blog!!

Hi, everyone!! Yes, I decided to start my first blog. This blog is here for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, I want to reach out to those women who think they are not pretty enough, smart enough, talented enough, or just plain good enough have all of the things life has to offer. I'm here to tell you that you can have the desires of your heart, but it takes getting to know who you really are and learning what you really want out of your life. Once you determine that, you have to make up your mind that you are going to get out there and grab it, whatever it is!

This blog is also for those women out there who think they just have to have a man to take care of them and feel worthless if they don't have one. Let me tell you something: you don't need a man to be a successful woman. Women who think they always have to have a man  are the very ones that attract the LOSERS out there. They actually sense your neediness, and they use it to get what they want! Don't let that be you. You have to take time and see what you can do on your own first. An independent woman is the kind who attracts a quality man.

Finally, I want to use this blog as a way of helping me. It will give me an outlet for my frustrations and personal heartaches and help me find ways of dealing with them.

So let's see where this blog takes us! I pray that I can be a help in some way to all of you!