Well, I was talking with my mom tonight about Christmas, and it really brought it home to me how so much has changed. When I was growing up, we would go to MeeMaw's Christmas Eve and then Mana's (my dad's mom) on Christmas Day. That all changed for the first time when I was a sophomore in high school. Mana passed away, and everyone kind of separated. My parents were already split up by this time, and my dad didn't come and get me for get togethers with that side of the family anymore. That was my first experience with how things change when major life events occur.
The second time came when I got married myself the first time and had children. Suddenly, there were even more sets of relatives to visit, which meant a lot of juggling. People just don't seem to realize (or maybe they just forget) that it's harder for a family with small children to travel than it is for people who no longer have that deal with. However, people still expected us to come see them without making the effort to come see us.
The third time came after my divorce and subsequent remarriage. Now, there were even more sides of the family to juggle, and it came with a price. Sometimes, I wouldn't get to see my family at all some holidays because I had to be with my husband's family. Additionally, my children's father wanted to see them for the holidays, too, so I would really only get half of the holiday with my children, which can be very difficult for a mother.
The fourth time came when I remarried for the third time. My new husband (and best one, by the way) had his own Christmas traditions that I wanted to honor. When I met him, I was still going to my MeeMaw's on Christmas Eve as I had done from my childhood, but I also went on Christmas Day since I wasn't seeing my dad's side of the family anymore. Bill's tradition was to have his kids over to his house for Christmas Eve to hang out with snacks and to watch A Christmas Carol. Because I love my husband and I was going to MeeMaw's on Christmas Day anyway, I decided to honor his tradition and be with him and all of our kids, his and mine, on Christmas Eve.
Now, this year, it has all changed again. My MeeMaw has passed away. This is our first Christmas without her. I have also lost two young cousins, one almost 16 (tomorrow would have been her 16th birthday) and one 18 and a new mother. It's hard to really embrace the holidays this year because now, I have to come up with new family traditions. Also, my two older children are not with me. In fact, my oldest daughter wants nothing to do with me. At least my son is coming after Christmas to see me for a little while, although I really wish I could have him on Christmas. It somehow doesn't really feel like Christmas this year. I hope the Spirit of Christmas comes along soon. I really want to enjoy the holidays, but I miss my lost family members so much, especially my MeeMaw.
There are some bright spots, though. We have a new addition to the family, and we get to meet her in just a couple of weeks!!! I am very excited to see Ms. Lillian. She is such a beautiful little girl! Maybe seeing her will bring Christmas alive to me again.
Don't get me wrong, though. I am incredibly happy here with my husband and my daughter. Having them makes me smile everyday. I guess tonight I'm just missing all the good times growing up and realizing that I'm getting older and it's almost time for me to be the grandma. Where did all that time go??
Good night!
MAY GOD BLESS YOU..
ReplyDeleteFeeling one's kids want "nothing to do with" you is hard, but they DO sometimes come back around. I thought I had nothing at all in common with my mother when I was a teen and into my 20's, but as I matured, and saw her through others' eyes, I realized I judged professionalism and poise by her standards. Now, I'd say we're friends (she even asks my advice at times!), and I know I will miss her terribly when she's gone. So, there's hope your daughter will return to your life, and meanwhile, you DO have family to enjoy!
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