Third Time's the Charm?

Last night, I posted some pointers about how to know if the guy you are thinking about is a good one or not. Many of you may be wondering how on earth I know some of this stuff. Well, the answer is that I've been there. I've had bad ones and good ones, and I have learned to note the differences. 

I am currently on my third marriage. The first two taught me some lessons that I'm going to share tonight. The first (and most important) lesson I learned was that you always have to keep the lines of communication open with your spouse or significant other. When you stop communicating, there is no relationship, and whatever love you shared dies because no one is there to tend to it anymore. It's like a beautiful garden. If left untended, it will wither away and die. Our marriage decayed to such a point that when Mike came home from work, he went straight to the bedroom with the computer and stayed on it until he went to sleep. He would barely even talk to me or associate with our two small children who were 6 and 4 at the time. This happened because we just couldn't talk to each other anymore without fighting. Unfortunately, much of this fighting was done in front of our children. Never fight in front of your children. They should never have to see that. What they should see is a what a loving relationship is like, so that they model that kind of relationship later. Many times, my husband would yell at me and belittle me in front of the children, which is also something they should never see. You should never want your children to think that those kinds of things are permissible in a loving relationship. Ladies, don't stand for your partner to talk to you that way. It is a form of emotional abuse and should never be tolerated.

Of course, there are always two sides to every story, and I had things that I did wrong as well. I didn't handle money right, and I didn't clean like I should. If I made a mistake with money, I would try to cover it up. Unfortunately, he was even angrier when the mistake was discovered. However, if he had been willing to work with me on these things instead of yelling and making me feel like dirt, perhaps things could have worked out. He eventually met someone else online and moved to Massachusettes with her. It was very painful, and it certainly did nothing to help my self-esteem.

After that, I did one of the stupidest things you can do after a breakup like that. I immediately started looking for someone else. However, what I really should have done was take time to myself to figure out what went wrong in the first marriage so I wouldn't repeat my mistakes. Unfortunately, I did not do that, and I ended up with someone even more domineering than the first one and married him. I think I married him because I figured that with two small children, who else would want to marry me? However, when you rush into a relationship that quickly after a breakup, what you end up with is someone eerily similar to your previous partner. That's exactly what happened, except to an even worse extreme. My 2nd husband wanted someone he could control and make into the kind of wife he thought he should have What he wanted was a wife who would agree with everything he said and did, have sex every time he wanted it, and make the kids into slaves. He took every opportunity to put down everything I did because it wasn't just the way he wanted. He did the same to my kids. We got to the point of hating him and not being willing to do anything he wanted. My kids really got upset after I gave birth to our daughter because he was not nearly as hard on her as he was on them. Finally, he decided that he would give me an ultimatium. Either I would be the kind of wife he wanted or it was over. It was over! I was tired of constantly being hurt and put down and watching my kids be emotionally abused as well. We subsequently got divorced, which was the best decision I ever made.

After that marriage, I started looking again for someone else. This was a big mistake again because I had not taken time to examine the marriage I had just come out of to see what I had done wrong. Along the way, I met a guy named Kevin who was very nice, but it just didn't work out. I tried way too hard with him and appeared too needy in his eyes. The only men you will attract when you act needy are the LOSERS! These are the guys who are after sex, and they figure you are so needy that you'll give it to them. And you know what? Those guys only contact you again when they are horny.

Good men are attracted to independent women. I figured that out eventually but not on my own. I met another guy named Joe who taught me that. I went out with a few losers after that, but nothing was ever serious. What going out with those guys taught me was what I DON'T want out of a relationship, so I could figure out what I DID want and not settle for less. I finally got to a point where I figured there was no one out there and stopped looking. Then, all of a sudden, I found someone very interesting on a site called Tagged. From that point on, I started to learn what a good man is really like, and I will never settle for less than that again. Bill thinks I am the most desireable woman in the world and tells me that I make him happier than he has ever been. He loves me just like I am, and he loves my children just like they were his own. He is my best friend, and I can talk to him about anything.

Remember this: if you want a sucessful relationship, always stay in communication with your partner, never let who you are get lost in what someone else thinks you should be, and treat your love like he is your best friend. Also, take some time to yourself after a breakup to determine what went wrong, and how you can avoid it happening again. Never settle for less than the best for yourself! Blessings to you all!!

My Baby Loves Me - Martina McBride