Fear of Being Alone

One of the biggest worries I hear a lot of women (and men, for that matter) talk about is the fear of living the rest of their lives alone. I understand that fear all too well, and it has led me to do some really stupid things. What I came to realize after my second failed marriage, however, is that it is better to live your life alone than with someone who makes your life miserable. My second husband was a real piece of work. He was constantly putting me down and telling me that my opinions were stupid and meaningless. In his mind, a woman (no matter what kind of education she had) was never as smart as a man, and she should totally submit to the man, even if he was dead wrong (which most of the time he was). At first, I did whatever he wanted because I was so afraid of being alone forever. I also had this idea that God wanted it that way. The Bible does say that a woman should submit herself to a man, right? However, it also says that a man should love his wife as Christ loves the church. Guess what? That means that he is supposed to love and respect her, not make her feel worthless and useless because she isn’t doing exactly what he wants just the way he wants it. 

Once I figured out that I didn’t have to submit to him all the time, things started to change. I started making plans about how I was going to leave him, and I started to no longer put up with his crap. He didn’t like that, and one night, he gave me the ultimatum that I talked about before. He solved my problem for me because I was able then to get out and away from him. However, that dark cloud of worry about being alone was still hovering over me, and I started looking for someone else right away which was a big mistake. I needed to take the time alone to sort out whom I was and what I wanted out of life on my own before involving someone else. I had three kids to think about as well. I went through a series of losers, one of which was so much like my second husband that it was scary! I even had my eye on someone who lived in another state but never really gave me an indication that he wanted to be anything more than friends. When I got to that point, I just stopped looking and started trying to figure out how to be on my own and independent. Well, lo and behold, not too terribly long after that, this wonderful man named Bill came along. He had been through a similar experience as me, but he had been married much longer. That did almost scare me off, but he had also taken the time to examine the things that went wrong in his first marriage and knew exactly what he wanted in a relationship and wasn’t settling for less, just like me. He noticed, too, that I was doing pretty well on my own and had no issues with neediness. Like him, I didn’t NEED someone in my life to make me happy. I simply wanted someone to share my life with, just like him. So we started talking online and finally met each other in person. From there, we fell in love, moved in together, and got married. We both say that we are happier and more content than we have ever been in our lives. For him to say that after being married for 25 years is incredible and makes me feel like the most wonderful wife on earth! I love him dearly and wouldn’t trade him for all the tea in China (one of his favorite sayings)!

Although I am now happily married, I still worry sometimes about being alone one day, but I know now that I can make it. And remember this, ladies (and men). You are never really alone if you have faith in God, a family, and friends that care about you. Having a romantic partner doesn’t always stop you from feeling lonely, either. Being with someone who makes you feel worthless is much worse and can leave you feeling lonely and sad, even when you are still in the relationship. Find out who you are on your own and become independent. I promise you that you will feel empowered and confident in yourself, and it will show to others. And you know what? That is exactly the kind of woman a good man is looking for (and the kind of man a good woman is looking for).