Friends

Remember back in elementary school, middle school, and high school when the all important thing was how many friends you had and who your friends were? How many of us still actually talk to those people today? Sure, we have them as Facebook friends, but are we really still an actual part of their lives? As we grow up and mature, our lives change. Some of us go off to college and some of us go off to work, and we meet new people. We get married and have kids, and then it seems that there is not that much time left for friends. We have work and family that keep us pretty occupied.

I started thinking about all this yesterday and about the friends that I have had as an adult. I've never been one to have a whole lot of friends because I don't always fit in with people. I did have a few friends in college while I was still single, but when I got married and had kids, my old single friends and I didn't seem to have much in common anymore. As a result, we lost touch. Isn't it interesting how people will tell you that they'll keep in touch but most of the time never really do?

During my second marriage, I had some really close friends that my then-husband and I hung out with. We all went to the same church, had dinners together, and had game nights together. Our daughters all played softball together. Sadly, I don't see much of those folks anymore, and I think now that part of the reason for that was that we all spent way too much time together. Another problem was that each one of the women in this group of friends (myself included) had a daughter that was very close in age to the other two daughters. Our biggest mistake was getting involved when our daughters would argue among themselves. What would happen is that we would try to defend our daughters against each other, and we'd all get mad at each other. The girls, on the other hand, would eventually make up, but we'd all still be mad. How silly and stupid is that? This is the kind of thing that ruined our friendship. We would say things to each other that were hurtful and made the others feel like they were bad mothers. It's not our place to judge others, you know? But we did it, and it drove us apart.

One of these two ladies that I am referring to also caused problems between my then-husband and me. She would flirt with him and even managed to get herself "accidentally" locked in her bedroom with him. Also, every time she and I would argue, she would go to him and complain about me. Then, he would come home mad at me and make me apologize to her! This same "friend" then tried to flirt with my current husband, who was just my boyfriend at the time, at my daughter's 16th birthday party! He didn't put up with it. He just walked away from her and shut her down! My former husband was different, though. He ate it up and enjoyed every minute of it.

These days, it's kind of hard for me to make friends because I have a hard time trusting anyone, except my husband. My friends back then always seemed like they wanted to tell me what to do and wanted to control me. In fact, it felt like everyone back then wanted to. Sadly, I allowed it. I didn't like myself very much back then, so I tried my hardest to please everyone, which I know now to be an impossible task. Nowadays, however, I don't allow anyone to control me. For this reason, I'm not sure that I could ever get really close to my former friends again. I don't think they would like who I am now. I'm not the same beaten down person who is easily controlled anymore. I actually like myself now. I have a great marriage, a nice home, and a job that pays me very well. Also, my beliefs have been evolving and changing over the years. I have come to respect each and every person for who they are. Their race, religion (or lack thereof), and sexual orientation no longer matters to me, and I believe in working to make sure that everyone has the same rights as everyone else. I'm not sure my old friends would understand that.

I am now a part of a wonderful community of Unitarian Universalists, and I've never been happier. These are the people that I prefer to be with, especially all the lovely ladies in the Women's Spirituality Group. They have welcomed me in with open arms, and I have never once felt judged by anyone. I have finally found a church whose mission I can totally get behind, and I love being there!

I guess I said all that to say this. Don't waste your time with people who bring you down and make you feel that you are less than what you are. Find people who build you up instead of those who prey on your weaknesses and won't let you become what you were always meant to be. Sometimes, that means that you will be on your own for a while, but eventually, the right people will come along. I believe the right ones for me are finally here!!

To learn more about Unitarian Universalism, visit the following site:

http://www.uupensacola.org/

There you will find an awesome video who tells who we are and what we believe. I included a link here as well:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=8nWf7oHX_ms

Why Do You Feel Threatened?

Good morning, everyone!! My question for today is this: Why do certain groups of people feel threatened when other people are given rights? Why is it a problem to grant marriage equality to lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people? How does it really hurt you? The fact of the matter is that it doesn't really hurt you. What it does do is keep you from telling other people how they should live their lives. In other words, you lose control over them! There's that dirty word from yesterday's post again. What gives one group the right to tell other people how they should and should not live? Oh right. You're going to tell me that God gives you that right, aren't you? God never gave you the right to judge others and deny them basic human rights. There is no such thing as "righteous judgment." Judging others for the way they lead their lives is NEVER righteous!

The whole problem in our society today is that people want to be able to control what other people do. This is the article that I read this morning that inspired this post today.

http://thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/gingrich-religious-rights-of-catholics-are-outlawed-by-gay-rights-video/politics/2013/05/06/66463

Basically, our old buddy Newt Gingrich wants everyone to believe allowing gay couples to adopt children negates the rights of all Catholics to adopt children. That is simply not true. Catholic Charities in Massachusettes has been allowing gay couples to adopt children for years and only now has stopped allowing it after four Catholic bishops found out about it. As a result, Catholic Charities lost government funding due to anti-discrimination laws. All this means is that people have to go through other means to adopt, not that they can't ever adopt. If the group was not discriminating against people (which in my opinion denies a basic Christian principle of loving one another), then they would still be able to obtain government funding and still be able to help people obtain adoptions.

What this all amounts to is wanting to able to control others by pushing one group of people's religious beliefs on everyone. Our country was founded on the idea of freedom of religion. That means that all religions should have the same right to worship and honor the deity, or no deity at all, of their choice in whatever way they choose with no fear of persecution or humiliation. Christians, Pagans, Hindus, Buddhists, Muslims, Agnostics, Atheists, etc. should all be allowed the same rights and should NEVER push their beliefs on someone else. So stop feeling so threatened, people, and celebrate the one thing that we all have in common. We are all human!

Control

Hello! Well, it's been quite a while since I posted here. I've been really busy with work and well......life in general. I woke up thinking this morning about control and how I used to let so many people control my life and how I behaved. I was what you would call a "yes" person. If my husband or friends discussed something, I felt like I should be in agreement with them. I think much of that had to with the fact that I wanted everyone to like me. I couldn't stand it when I thought people didn't like me, so I would just go along with whatever they said. Back then, I had very low self esteem. I really thought I wasn't good enough for anything. My husband at the time told me all the time that I was lazy and not good at anything, and my friends left me feeling like I was a terrible mother because I didn't mother my children exactly the way they thought I should. I even had one "friend" who, every time we had an argument, would go to my husband and complain about me. He would then proceed to defend her and blame me for everything. Then, he would make ME go and apologize to HER!

It was an incredibly rough time in my life, and I became severely depressed. As a result, I really became a not-such-a-great mother, and my two older children have suffered for it. I would even (and I am ashamed of this) discipline my daughter for things my friends told me she had done, even though those things didn't really happen quite the way I was told. Because of this, my daughter came not to trust me and went looking for someone else she felt she could trust. This led her into a very destructive relationship, which she is sadly still involved in. My son eventually went to live with his dad in Texas. He did struggle with some problems for a while there, but he has really pulled himself out of it and is doing great. He is finishing high school next year, has a job, and just bought himself his own truck. I'm very proud of him! Sometimes, though, it makes me sad because he had to get away from my destructive behavior in order to become the man he is growing into.

I have since come to realize that the only one who can actually control the way my life is going is me, not anyone else. Moving away from all those controlling influences helped me to wake up and realize that I am a good and intelligent person who can run her own life. I now have a really good job that pays very well, an awesome husband who never tries to control me, and a fabulously intelligent and talented daughter who gets the benefit of actually having a sane mother! I've begun reexamining my spirituality and have realized that there is more to all of it than I actually thought. I can actually affect the things that happen in my life through just my attitude toward things. If I give off positive energy, then I will get back positive things. In the past, I was giving off negative energy, so I got back negative things. Now, things have gotten so much better simply because I prefer to see things in a positive light. I've met a great bunch of people at the Unitarian Universalist church and spend time once a month with some awesome woman in the Women's Spirituality Circle. I finally, after many years of searching, actually feel like I belong somewhere. It's truly amazing how a simple attitude change can change your whole life!

Remember all who are reading this, that when you start looking for the good things in your life instead of focusing on all the bad, good things will begin happening for you. I know it can be so difficult, but I promise you that it can happen. Thanks for reading, and I hope to find more time to post this year!!! :)

It's been a while......

But I'm back. I can't believe that I haven't posted since January! I've just been so busy with work and family. I'm even pursuing my MBA now! It's just so hard to find the time. I was just here thinking how much life can change in just three years. Three years ago, I was living in a dumpy little 2 bedroom apartment with my three kids and barely making enough money to get by. I was on food stamps and almost got evicted. I had no confidence in myself anymore. I had been divorced twice and thought that the only men I could ever attract were losers. In fact, I had one really great guy around who was my friend but never seemed to look at me as anything other than that, even though I certainly looked at him that way.

Well, one night, things began to turn around. I started talking to this really wonderful man online. This man was certainly no loser. He was someone I could hold an intelligent conversation with. If I hadn't met him, there is no telling where I would be now. He showed me that I am smart, strong, and capable and that I am good enough to be loved by a decent man. If it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't have the wonderful job and nice, stable home that I have now. I would never have learned to love myself and have the ability to stand up for myself. I thank God every day for my amazing husband. He has truly been an answer to my prayers.

Life is Good!!

Hi! I hope this blog post finds everyone well. I was just sitting here thinking about my life and how God has been blessing me and my family. I started a new job on January 4, 2012, and I got my first paycheck Friday. It was amazing! It is more money that I have ever made in my life, and I'm getting to work at home as a full-time employee with benefits in a field that I really love! I have a husband who loves me with all of his heart and who I love with all of my heart, three children and three stepchildren (as well as one daughter-in-law) who I love very much, and one absolutely beautiful grandbaby who I also love so very much. (I know that technically Lillian is my step-granddaughter which some people may feel makes me nothing at all to her, but I plan to love her like a grandmother anyway, no matter what anyone else thinks or feels!) Things are really starting to look up. Bill is happy because he will actually be able to retire when the time comes. He thought he had lost his chance after his divorce, but he now feels that he is getting his life back. I am so happy that I have played a part in that because if anyone deserves a chance to have a good life, it is Bill. He is absolutely the most wonderful man I know and have ever known! I thank God every day that he and I have this chance to be together. If it weren't for him, I would still be that pitiful little doormat of a woman that everyone, even my so-called friends, just walked all over. However, Bill let me see what he sees when he looks at me, and I began to realize that I am someone who has something wonderful to offer. MeeMaw was right about him. She told him the first Thanksgiving we spent together at her house that I needed someone in my life to help me, and he has done that and so much more! He is my very best friend, and I love him soooo much! I praise you, God, for blessing Bill and me so much and for giving us both another chance at a wonderful life!!!  I pray that everyone gets such a chance! God bless!

New Job and Other Happenings

Good evening! I'm finally getting a chance tonight to sit down and write some in my blog. I started a new job on Wednesday, and it has been hard finding some breathing room. So far, I really love the job. The people are professional and very welcoming. I haven't seen a bad attitude there yet, which is really refreshing. It actually reminds me somewhat about how Smart Horizons was when I started. An added bonus is that a friend of mine that I worked at SH also works at the new job. She loves it there, and I believe I will, too. I'm making a significant amount more a year, and I get to work at home! You can't beat that with a stick, as Bill would say. LOL

Another great thing about this new job is that the tools required to do our jobs actually work, and we don't have to deal with antiquated equipment. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this will be the career I retire from.

We received some belated Christmas cards with gift cards inside them from my father and stepmother. I'm not sure if I mentioned this at all, but my dad and mom got divorced when I was 10 years old. My dad and stepmom married not too terribly long after that. I thought my stepmom was pretty cool at first, but my dad seemed begin to drift away from me once they got together. I was invited to spend the weekend at their house once, and when my dad came and picked me up, he talked to my mom for a few minutes at the front door. Well, Janice (my stepmom) got very jealous about that and proceeded to get drunk while I was there, and she and my dad started to argue. After that, I was never invited to stay at their house again, and my dad very rarely called me and never helped support me financially. It was like he divorced me just like he divorced my mom.

I wish more parents realized what something like this does to children. I felt rejected by my dad. A girl's father is the first man in her life, and when she feels thrown away by her dad, she just doesn't feel good enough for a decent man. If your own father rejects you, who on earth is going to want you? As a result, I married two not-so-good husbands who treated me exactly like I thought of myself.....like dirt under their feet. I did get three wonderful children from those marriages, but it doesn't change the fact that I no longer had a relationship with my father.

I keep wondering if maybe Janice kept him from calling me or visiting me all those years because she couldn't stand for him to have any contact with my mom. It wouldn't surprise me at all. What really upsets me about all this is that every time I am around them, she goes out of her way to put a guilt trip on me about never calling or visiting. First of all, why should a child as young as I was be expected to call her dad. Why couldn't he pick up the phone and call me himself?

The last straw happened yesterday when we received the gift cards. There was yet another guilt trip of a letter in the envelope. You don't do that when you're sending a gift. However, this is how it always is. Every time I see them, I get a guilt trip put on me by Janice. I'm sick of it, so I sent her an email and told her off. She needed to here all this. What a piece of work!

Well, gotta get to bed. I'll talk to you all soon!

Goodbye to 2011 and Hello to 2012!

The holiday season officially ends today. It has been a wonderful holiday here at the Hart house. We got to visit with Bill's son and his wife and got to meet the newest addition to the family, Ms. Lillian Jeanette Hart. What a beautiful little girl she is, too! Meeting Lillian was truly the most wonderful Christmas gift anyone has ever given us. I loved holding her and even getting a chance to feed her. It was truly an amazing feeling! I want to thank Joe and Sarah for making Amy and I feel like a part of the family, too, even though we are not blood relatives. Bill has been doing that all along, but it's nice when others give us that acceptance as well. It tickled me so much to see Sarah refer to me as "Grandma Julie" in the caption of one of her pictures and to hear Joe refer to Amy as "Auntie Amy." I love Bill and all of his children (and grandchild) very much, and I hope that I will always be allowed to be a part of their lives in some way.

Another wonderful gift I have received this holiday season has come from Bill's ex-wife Leanne. I've always kind of gotten the feeling that Leanne really didn't like me very much and would really rather me just not be around. However, things seem to have changed recently in that we have had some rather pleasant exchanges on Facebook in recent weeks.  The awkwardness that always seems to exist between a first wife and a second wife seems to be disappearing, and for that, I am grateful. It just makes things easier when we are all around each other. The children don't feel like they have to choose one parent over the other because we are all able to work together to make sure each parent gets equal time. Cooperation is always the key, and this holiday season has proven that it can be done and done very well.

This Wednesday, I start my new job working at Columbia Southern University as an instructional designer. I am excited about it but also kind of nervous. The job is pretty similar to what I've been doing with Smart Horizons, so I don't feel my work will be an issue. They obviously like my writing, or I wouldn't have been offered the job. I guess the simple fact that it is a totally new situation is what makes me nervous. It is more money than I've ever made at any job before, so I really want to do well. Keep your fingers crossed out there for me!!

For 2012, I've decided to do a project that was actually inspired by my step-daughter-in-law. The project involves taking one picture each day of the new year to represent the day. I'm going to start another blog to showcase these pictures. I think of it as a great way to look back when 2012 draws to a close and reminisce about all that happened throughout the year. It is also a way of looking to see how things differ over a one-year period. Instead of creating a blog post every day of the year, though, I will post one a week showcasing all the previous week's pictures with an explanation of how each one represents its particular day. It sounded like fun when I read about it in Sarah's blog, so I thought I'd give it a shot. The address for the new blog is http://yearofthehart.blogspot.com/

So, Happy New Year, everyone!! I hope 2012 brings you all everything you need and many of the things you want as well. God bless you all!!!