Friends

Remember back in elementary school, middle school, and high school when the all important thing was how many friends you had and who your friends were? How many of us still actually talk to those people today? Sure, we have them as Facebook friends, but are we really still an actual part of their lives? As we grow up and mature, our lives change. Some of us go off to college and some of us go off to work, and we meet new people. We get married and have kids, and then it seems that there is not that much time left for friends. We have work and family that keep us pretty occupied.

I started thinking about all this yesterday and about the friends that I have had as an adult. I've never been one to have a whole lot of friends because I don't always fit in with people. I did have a few friends in college while I was still single, but when I got married and had kids, my old single friends and I didn't seem to have much in common anymore. As a result, we lost touch. Isn't it interesting how people will tell you that they'll keep in touch but most of the time never really do?

During my second marriage, I had some really close friends that my then-husband and I hung out with. We all went to the same church, had dinners together, and had game nights together. Our daughters all played softball together. Sadly, I don't see much of those folks anymore, and I think now that part of the reason for that was that we all spent way too much time together. Another problem was that each one of the women in this group of friends (myself included) had a daughter that was very close in age to the other two daughters. Our biggest mistake was getting involved when our daughters would argue among themselves. What would happen is that we would try to defend our daughters against each other, and we'd all get mad at each other. The girls, on the other hand, would eventually make up, but we'd all still be mad. How silly and stupid is that? This is the kind of thing that ruined our friendship. We would say things to each other that were hurtful and made the others feel like they were bad mothers. It's not our place to judge others, you know? But we did it, and it drove us apart.

One of these two ladies that I am referring to also caused problems between my then-husband and me. She would flirt with him and even managed to get herself "accidentally" locked in her bedroom with him. Also, every time she and I would argue, she would go to him and complain about me. Then, he would come home mad at me and make me apologize to her! This same "friend" then tried to flirt with my current husband, who was just my boyfriend at the time, at my daughter's 16th birthday party! He didn't put up with it. He just walked away from her and shut her down! My former husband was different, though. He ate it up and enjoyed every minute of it.

These days, it's kind of hard for me to make friends because I have a hard time trusting anyone, except my husband. My friends back then always seemed like they wanted to tell me what to do and wanted to control me. In fact, it felt like everyone back then wanted to. Sadly, I allowed it. I didn't like myself very much back then, so I tried my hardest to please everyone, which I know now to be an impossible task. Nowadays, however, I don't allow anyone to control me. For this reason, I'm not sure that I could ever get really close to my former friends again. I don't think they would like who I am now. I'm not the same beaten down person who is easily controlled anymore. I actually like myself now. I have a great marriage, a nice home, and a job that pays me very well. Also, my beliefs have been evolving and changing over the years. I have come to respect each and every person for who they are. Their race, religion (or lack thereof), and sexual orientation no longer matters to me, and I believe in working to make sure that everyone has the same rights as everyone else. I'm not sure my old friends would understand that.

I am now a part of a wonderful community of Unitarian Universalists, and I've never been happier. These are the people that I prefer to be with, especially all the lovely ladies in the Women's Spirituality Group. They have welcomed me in with open arms, and I have never once felt judged by anyone. I have finally found a church whose mission I can totally get behind, and I love being there!

I guess I said all that to say this. Don't waste your time with people who bring you down and make you feel that you are less than what you are. Find people who build you up instead of those who prey on your weaknesses and won't let you become what you were always meant to be. Sometimes, that means that you will be on your own for a while, but eventually, the right people will come along. I believe the right ones for me are finally here!!

To learn more about Unitarian Universalism, visit the following site:

http://www.uupensacola.org/

There you will find an awesome video who tells who we are and what we believe. I included a link here as well:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=8nWf7oHX_ms