It's been a while......

But I'm back. I can't believe that I haven't posted since January! I've just been so busy with work and family. I'm even pursuing my MBA now! It's just so hard to find the time. I was just here thinking how much life can change in just three years. Three years ago, I was living in a dumpy little 2 bedroom apartment with my three kids and barely making enough money to get by. I was on food stamps and almost got evicted. I had no confidence in myself anymore. I had been divorced twice and thought that the only men I could ever attract were losers. In fact, I had one really great guy around who was my friend but never seemed to look at me as anything other than that, even though I certainly looked at him that way.

Well, one night, things began to turn around. I started talking to this really wonderful man online. This man was certainly no loser. He was someone I could hold an intelligent conversation with. If I hadn't met him, there is no telling where I would be now. He showed me that I am smart, strong, and capable and that I am good enough to be loved by a decent man. If it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't have the wonderful job and nice, stable home that I have now. I would never have learned to love myself and have the ability to stand up for myself. I thank God every day for my amazing husband. He has truly been an answer to my prayers.

Life is Good!!

Hi! I hope this blog post finds everyone well. I was just sitting here thinking about my life and how God has been blessing me and my family. I started a new job on January 4, 2012, and I got my first paycheck Friday. It was amazing! It is more money that I have ever made in my life, and I'm getting to work at home as a full-time employee with benefits in a field that I really love! I have a husband who loves me with all of his heart and who I love with all of my heart, three children and three stepchildren (as well as one daughter-in-law) who I love very much, and one absolutely beautiful grandbaby who I also love so very much. (I know that technically Lillian is my step-granddaughter which some people may feel makes me nothing at all to her, but I plan to love her like a grandmother anyway, no matter what anyone else thinks or feels!) Things are really starting to look up. Bill is happy because he will actually be able to retire when the time comes. He thought he had lost his chance after his divorce, but he now feels that he is getting his life back. I am so happy that I have played a part in that because if anyone deserves a chance to have a good life, it is Bill. He is absolutely the most wonderful man I know and have ever known! I thank God every day that he and I have this chance to be together. If it weren't for him, I would still be that pitiful little doormat of a woman that everyone, even my so-called friends, just walked all over. However, Bill let me see what he sees when he looks at me, and I began to realize that I am someone who has something wonderful to offer. MeeMaw was right about him. She told him the first Thanksgiving we spent together at her house that I needed someone in my life to help me, and he has done that and so much more! He is my very best friend, and I love him soooo much! I praise you, God, for blessing Bill and me so much and for giving us both another chance at a wonderful life!!!  I pray that everyone gets such a chance! God bless!

New Job and Other Happenings

Good evening! I'm finally getting a chance tonight to sit down and write some in my blog. I started a new job on Wednesday, and it has been hard finding some breathing room. So far, I really love the job. The people are professional and very welcoming. I haven't seen a bad attitude there yet, which is really refreshing. It actually reminds me somewhat about how Smart Horizons was when I started. An added bonus is that a friend of mine that I worked at SH also works at the new job. She loves it there, and I believe I will, too. I'm making a significant amount more a year, and I get to work at home! You can't beat that with a stick, as Bill would say. LOL

Another great thing about this new job is that the tools required to do our jobs actually work, and we don't have to deal with antiquated equipment. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this will be the career I retire from.

We received some belated Christmas cards with gift cards inside them from my father and stepmother. I'm not sure if I mentioned this at all, but my dad and mom got divorced when I was 10 years old. My dad and stepmom married not too terribly long after that. I thought my stepmom was pretty cool at first, but my dad seemed begin to drift away from me once they got together. I was invited to spend the weekend at their house once, and when my dad came and picked me up, he talked to my mom for a few minutes at the front door. Well, Janice (my stepmom) got very jealous about that and proceeded to get drunk while I was there, and she and my dad started to argue. After that, I was never invited to stay at their house again, and my dad very rarely called me and never helped support me financially. It was like he divorced me just like he divorced my mom.

I wish more parents realized what something like this does to children. I felt rejected by my dad. A girl's father is the first man in her life, and when she feels thrown away by her dad, she just doesn't feel good enough for a decent man. If your own father rejects you, who on earth is going to want you? As a result, I married two not-so-good husbands who treated me exactly like I thought of myself.....like dirt under their feet. I did get three wonderful children from those marriages, but it doesn't change the fact that I no longer had a relationship with my father.

I keep wondering if maybe Janice kept him from calling me or visiting me all those years because she couldn't stand for him to have any contact with my mom. It wouldn't surprise me at all. What really upsets me about all this is that every time I am around them, she goes out of her way to put a guilt trip on me about never calling or visiting. First of all, why should a child as young as I was be expected to call her dad. Why couldn't he pick up the phone and call me himself?

The last straw happened yesterday when we received the gift cards. There was yet another guilt trip of a letter in the envelope. You don't do that when you're sending a gift. However, this is how it always is. Every time I see them, I get a guilt trip put on me by Janice. I'm sick of it, so I sent her an email and told her off. She needed to here all this. What a piece of work!

Well, gotta get to bed. I'll talk to you all soon!

Goodbye to 2011 and Hello to 2012!

The holiday season officially ends today. It has been a wonderful holiday here at the Hart house. We got to visit with Bill's son and his wife and got to meet the newest addition to the family, Ms. Lillian Jeanette Hart. What a beautiful little girl she is, too! Meeting Lillian was truly the most wonderful Christmas gift anyone has ever given us. I loved holding her and even getting a chance to feed her. It was truly an amazing feeling! I want to thank Joe and Sarah for making Amy and I feel like a part of the family, too, even though we are not blood relatives. Bill has been doing that all along, but it's nice when others give us that acceptance as well. It tickled me so much to see Sarah refer to me as "Grandma Julie" in the caption of one of her pictures and to hear Joe refer to Amy as "Auntie Amy." I love Bill and all of his children (and grandchild) very much, and I hope that I will always be allowed to be a part of their lives in some way.

Another wonderful gift I have received this holiday season has come from Bill's ex-wife Leanne. I've always kind of gotten the feeling that Leanne really didn't like me very much and would really rather me just not be around. However, things seem to have changed recently in that we have had some rather pleasant exchanges on Facebook in recent weeks.  The awkwardness that always seems to exist between a first wife and a second wife seems to be disappearing, and for that, I am grateful. It just makes things easier when we are all around each other. The children don't feel like they have to choose one parent over the other because we are all able to work together to make sure each parent gets equal time. Cooperation is always the key, and this holiday season has proven that it can be done and done very well.

This Wednesday, I start my new job working at Columbia Southern University as an instructional designer. I am excited about it but also kind of nervous. The job is pretty similar to what I've been doing with Smart Horizons, so I don't feel my work will be an issue. They obviously like my writing, or I wouldn't have been offered the job. I guess the simple fact that it is a totally new situation is what makes me nervous. It is more money than I've ever made at any job before, so I really want to do well. Keep your fingers crossed out there for me!!

For 2012, I've decided to do a project that was actually inspired by my step-daughter-in-law. The project involves taking one picture each day of the new year to represent the day. I'm going to start another blog to showcase these pictures. I think of it as a great way to look back when 2012 draws to a close and reminisce about all that happened throughout the year. It is also a way of looking to see how things differ over a one-year period. Instead of creating a blog post every day of the year, though, I will post one a week showcasing all the previous week's pictures with an explanation of how each one represents its particular day. It sounded like fun when I read about it in Sarah's blog, so I thought I'd give it a shot. The address for the new blog is http://yearofthehart.blogspot.com/

So, Happy New Year, everyone!! I hope 2012 brings you all everything you need and many of the things you want as well. God bless you all!!!

Christmas 2011 and a New Year on the Horizon

Well, Christmas 2011 has come and gone, and we are looking towards 2012 and whatever it will bring us. New Year's is a time for new beginnings and leaving the past behind. This coming year, I will be starting a new job making more money than I have ever made in my life. I'm very excited and a little nervous. We've been through a lot this year. We lost four family members, three of them within the space of one day and another just a couple of months ago. We also have one family member in jail for the deaths of two of those aforementioned family members. Needless to say, my family is struggling to deal with it all.

 As I mentioned in a previous blog post, things have just naturally begun to change. This Christmas was spent mostly at home with me, my husband, my youngest daughter, and my mother. I cooked Christmas dinner, and we all enjoyed it together. Then, we went to my mother-in-law's house to spend time with family. In previous years, I went to my grandmother's house for Christmas, but since she passed away in February, everything has changed. I was actually worried that Christmas would be sad this year because it was the first one without her. I did miss her, Brandi, Zoe, and Kyano and thought about them that day and on Christmas Eve. However, this Christmas turned out to be really wonderful because we got the chance to meet our beautiful new addition to the family, Ms. Lillian Jeannette Hart (my step-granddaughter). I may just be a step-grandmother, but I love Lily just as I will love my biological grandchildren one day. It was so wonderful to hold Lily. I had the privilege of holding her at our house on Christmas Eve and at Grandma Hart's on Christmas night. What an amazing feeling that was! She is such a precious baby! It was also wonderful to watch Bill hold his granddaughter for the first time and then get to feed her and let her fall asleep on his chest. He was so proud and happy! He loves being PawPaw!

I found it very refreshing also to watch Joe and Sarah take care of Lillian. What amazing parents they are! They take turns getting up with her at night and are both so attentive to her needs. Too many parents today just don't seem to care, but it is very obvious that these two young people were raised with the knowledge that family is what comes first. They know that their child's needs come before ANYTHING they want or need.

 I'm also very happy because my son came from Texas to see me. Late Christmas night, we went and picked Alex up from his stepmom's grandparents' house. It has been so wonderful spending time with him. I am so amazed at how quickly he is growing up. I am so proud of him. My oldest daughter did not come with him, however. I wish she would realize that I only did what I thought was right to protect her. I love Hayley very much! All I have ever wanted is to see my children succeed to the best of their abilities. I pray that Hayley will one day wake up and see that.

I'd like to take this time to wish everyone that may be reading a Happy New Year! I wish all of you the best that 2012 has to offer. May God bless you!

Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays?

I saw a sign on a church close to my house that read, "It's okay to say Merry Christmas" which is what sparked my blog post this morning. Yes, of course, it's okay to say "Merry Christmas." No one ever said it wasn't. But what's wrong with saying "Happy Hanukkah," "Happy Kwanza," or cover them all by simply saying "Happy Holidays"? Can someone explain to me why the holiday season is only about Christians?

I am a Christian, but I get sick and tired of hearing other Christians talk about how "persecuted" they are as if no one else is. Look at what is going on right now with the TLC show All-American Muslim. Lowe's pulled their advertisements from the show after being pressured by a conservative Christian group. Now, the show's rating are dropping, and it may be pulled by its network. That sounds like a case of Christians persecuting Muslims to me. The group says that the show is not depicting Muslims as they really are. However, not all Muslims are violent and believe in killing people. There is only a very small percentage that are like that. Most Muslims want the same things as we do. They want the same opportunities we enjoy. What's wrong with that anyway? Are they not HUMAN BEINGS, just like us?

One of the main tenets of Christianity is that we are love our neighbors as ourselves. Guess what, folks? We have Muslim neighbors, gay neighbors, black neighbors, Jewish neighbors, etc. Jesus wants us to LOVE them, not hate them. After all, that is what this holiday season is supposed to be about, isn't it? Showing love and peace to all men and women? That means we are to love and respect EVERYONE around us, even the ones we don't agree with or even particularly like. If we allow that love and respect to come forth, it can help to make a world a better place for our children and grandchildren.

So instead of worrying about whether we say "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays", why don't we concentrate instead on bringing forth the true spirit of the season?

"Let There Be Peace on Earth" by Vince Gill

Two Weeks of Notice

Well, I did it! It was something that I never thought I would do. I resigned from my job of almost two years. When I first started working for the company, I thought I was so blessed because I found a job where they treat their workers like family, and I really loved the work! I kept recommending the place to everyone I knew who needed a job. I even helped my friend, my husband, and my stepdaughter get jobs there because I thought the place was so great! I worked my butt off for them day in and day out. I never even called in sick in the whole almost two years I was there. The first month I worked there, I worked sick as a dog for about three days. I just couldn't let myself call in because I valued the job so much, and I just appreciated them giving me a chance to show them what I could do. I hadn't worked outside the home for about 5 years, so it's almost a miracle that they hired me at all. I had run a home daycare and did medical transcription, but I had my degrees in English and education and a pretty good writing ability that the company was able to recognize.

I remained very loyal to the company until about February 2011, when I watched many of my co-workers get laid off because the project we were working on did not take off as expected. They were told it would only be for 60 days, and now it's been almost a year. Then in October 2011, there was another round of layoffs, and I had to watch my stepdaughter and friend whom I helped get a job there have their hearts broken. That was supposed to be for 90 days only, but I have a hard time these days trusting anything the company says anymore. Just before the second round of layoffs, our paychecks did not arrive on time. That is when I decided that it may be time to look for something else. So I put some resumes out. The day after I did this, we all had a mandatory meeting in which we heard that we had our product and were going to concentrate more on sales and less on product development, and that is when the second round of layoffs occured. Well, since I work in production of new material, hearing that did not make me feel any better about my future with the company, so I was glad I had put those resumes out.

About a month later, I got a call from an online university, and they wanted to interview me for a position as an instructional designer. They told me the position started in the low $40,000s, and there was a possibility of working remotely. Well, by this time, I had been forced to take a pay cut and was making less than I made when I first started working for my current company. I decided to go for the interview and see what would happen. The interview went well, so they decided they wanted a writing sample from me. I completed it and sent it back in. It took a couple of weeks, but they finally got back to me and offered me a position working remotely with a salary of $40,000 to start with benefits and 401K. Because of the significant increase in pay, it was kind of a no-brainer. I accepted the position and got a start date of January 4, 2012.

I decided to do the professional thing by following the policies and procedures manual of my current (now former) company and give them two weeks of notice. Well, they decided that they didn't need me anymore and told me to leave right away. This happened yesterday, right before lunch. While it's nice to have a 2-week vacation right before I start a new job, it kind of hurt because of all the hard work I put into my job there. They just decided that they no longer needed me and threw me aside. I have come to realize, though, that there really is no company you can trust. I thought my former company was different, but they're not. They are all in it for the bottom line without having a care about people. They pretend that you're all one big happy family, but it's all a facade. They will cut anyone's throat if it allows them to make money. I find it sad that it has to be that way, and I am now actually glad to be away from them. I am losing four days of pay that I was counting on, but you know something? I think it's worth it just to have some peace of mind and a break.

So here's to a new year with new possibilities and new hope! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!