Okay, ladies, I know that many of us women have been brought up to believe that we are supposed to care of everyone else’s needs ahead of our own because that is what good wives and mothers do. Okay, I agree with that…….but only to an extent. You see, what seems to happen is that you get married and you have the kids, and then your life is no longer your own. It becomes all about the husband and the kids, so much so that there is really nothing left for you. It’s not just wives that experience this, either. It is the same in a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, especially when they live together. The fact of the matter, ladies, is that you HAVE to take time for yourself and pursue the things that make you happy. Being able to do so is what helps you learn to love yourself and be truly satisfied with your life. The man and the kids get to do things they enjoy. What’s wrong with you doing things that you enjoy? Stand up for yourselves, ladies, and declare independence! Take your life and make it your own again! This doesn’t mean you don’t still care about your family and still do things with them and for them. What it does mean, though, is that you take time to do things you enjoy and you get to know yourself as who you are instead of as someone’s girlfriend, wife, or mother because you are more than that!
Incidentally, your family will be much better off, too, because you will be happy and self-fulfilled. This, in turn, makes you more willing to help them with their needs with no complaints. If you have teenagers, they will tell you that you’re being selfish, but don’t listen. Enjoying your life is NOT selfish. It is a RIGHT that we all have and that we don’t give up just because we have boyfriends, husbands, or kids. Teenagers are simply selfish and think the world revolves around them, especially teenage daughters (this I know from experience!).
One more thing: if your man doesn’t allow you to do things that you enjoy and is not understanding about you wanting to do these things, he does not really care about you. All he cares about is himself and what he can get out of you. A real and loving man wants you to be happy and fulfilled in your life simply because you are the woman he loves, and he will do whatever he can to see that you are, even if it means having to help take care of the house and the kids. It’s his house and kids, too, after all, right? So, ladies, stand up to these men and children, and declare your independence!!! You will be glad you did!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Third Time's the Charm?
Last night, I posted some pointers about how to know if the guy you are thinking about is a good one or not. Many of you may be wondering how on earth I know some of this stuff. Well, the answer is that I've been there. I've had bad ones and good ones, and I have learned to note the differences.
I am currently on my third marriage. The first two taught me some lessons that I'm going to share tonight. The first (and most important) lesson I learned was that you always have to keep the lines of communication open with your spouse or significant other. When you stop communicating, there is no relationship, and whatever love you shared dies because no one is there to tend to it anymore. It's like a beautiful garden. If left untended, it will wither away and die. Our marriage decayed to such a point that when Mike came home from work, he went straight to the bedroom with the computer and stayed on it until he went to sleep. He would barely even talk to me or associate with our two small children who were 6 and 4 at the time. This happened because we just couldn't talk to each other anymore without fighting. Unfortunately, much of this fighting was done in front of our children. Never fight in front of your children. They should never have to see that. What they should see is a what a loving relationship is like, so that they model that kind of relationship later. Many times, my husband would yell at me and belittle me in front of the children, which is also something they should never see. You should never want your children to think that those kinds of things are permissible in a loving relationship. Ladies, don't stand for your partner to talk to you that way. It is a form of emotional abuse and should never be tolerated.
Of course, there are always two sides to every story, and I had things that I did wrong as well. I didn't handle money right, and I didn't clean like I should. If I made a mistake with money, I would try to cover it up. Unfortunately, he was even angrier when the mistake was discovered. However, if he had been willing to work with me on these things instead of yelling and making me feel like dirt, perhaps things could have worked out. He eventually met someone else online and moved to Massachusettes with her. It was very painful, and it certainly did nothing to help my self-esteem.
After that, I did one of the stupidest things you can do after a breakup like that. I immediately started looking for someone else. However, what I really should have done was take time to myself to figure out what went wrong in the first marriage so I wouldn't repeat my mistakes. Unfortunately, I did not do that, and I ended up with someone even more domineering than the first one and married him. I think I married him because I figured that with two small children, who else would want to marry me? However, when you rush into a relationship that quickly after a breakup, what you end up with is someone eerily similar to your previous partner. That's exactly what happened, except to an even worse extreme. My 2nd husband wanted someone he could control and make into the kind of wife he thought he should have What he wanted was a wife who would agree with everything he said and did, have sex every time he wanted it, and make the kids into slaves. He took every opportunity to put down everything I did because it wasn't just the way he wanted. He did the same to my kids. We got to the point of hating him and not being willing to do anything he wanted. My kids really got upset after I gave birth to our daughter because he was not nearly as hard on her as he was on them. Finally, he decided that he would give me an ultimatium. Either I would be the kind of wife he wanted or it was over. It was over! I was tired of constantly being hurt and put down and watching my kids be emotionally abused as well. We subsequently got divorced, which was the best decision I ever made.
After that marriage, I started looking again for someone else. This was a big mistake again because I had not taken time to examine the marriage I had just come out of to see what I had done wrong. Along the way, I met a guy named Kevin who was very nice, but it just didn't work out. I tried way too hard with him and appeared too needy in his eyes. The only men you will attract when you act needy are the LOSERS! These are the guys who are after sex, and they figure you are so needy that you'll give it to them. And you know what? Those guys only contact you again when they are horny.
Good men are attracted to independent women. I figured that out eventually but not on my own. I met another guy named Joe who taught me that. I went out with a few losers after that, but nothing was ever serious. What going out with those guys taught me was what I DON'T want out of a relationship, so I could figure out what I DID want and not settle for less. I finally got to a point where I figured there was no one out there and stopped looking. Then, all of a sudden, I found someone very interesting on a site called Tagged. From that point on, I started to learn what a good man is really like, and I will never settle for less than that again. Bill thinks I am the most desireable woman in the world and tells me that I make him happier than he has ever been. He loves me just like I am, and he loves my children just like they were his own. He is my best friend, and I can talk to him about anything.
Remember this: if you want a sucessful relationship, always stay in communication with your partner, never let who you are get lost in what someone else thinks you should be, and treat your love like he is your best friend. Also, take some time to yourself after a breakup to determine what went wrong, and how you can avoid it happening again. Never settle for less than the best for yourself! Blessings to you all!!
My Baby Loves Me - Martina McBride
I am currently on my third marriage. The first two taught me some lessons that I'm going to share tonight. The first (and most important) lesson I learned was that you always have to keep the lines of communication open with your spouse or significant other. When you stop communicating, there is no relationship, and whatever love you shared dies because no one is there to tend to it anymore. It's like a beautiful garden. If left untended, it will wither away and die. Our marriage decayed to such a point that when Mike came home from work, he went straight to the bedroom with the computer and stayed on it until he went to sleep. He would barely even talk to me or associate with our two small children who were 6 and 4 at the time. This happened because we just couldn't talk to each other anymore without fighting. Unfortunately, much of this fighting was done in front of our children. Never fight in front of your children. They should never have to see that. What they should see is a what a loving relationship is like, so that they model that kind of relationship later. Many times, my husband would yell at me and belittle me in front of the children, which is also something they should never see. You should never want your children to think that those kinds of things are permissible in a loving relationship. Ladies, don't stand for your partner to talk to you that way. It is a form of emotional abuse and should never be tolerated.
Of course, there are always two sides to every story, and I had things that I did wrong as well. I didn't handle money right, and I didn't clean like I should. If I made a mistake with money, I would try to cover it up. Unfortunately, he was even angrier when the mistake was discovered. However, if he had been willing to work with me on these things instead of yelling and making me feel like dirt, perhaps things could have worked out. He eventually met someone else online and moved to Massachusettes with her. It was very painful, and it certainly did nothing to help my self-esteem.
After that, I did one of the stupidest things you can do after a breakup like that. I immediately started looking for someone else. However, what I really should have done was take time to myself to figure out what went wrong in the first marriage so I wouldn't repeat my mistakes. Unfortunately, I did not do that, and I ended up with someone even more domineering than the first one and married him. I think I married him because I figured that with two small children, who else would want to marry me? However, when you rush into a relationship that quickly after a breakup, what you end up with is someone eerily similar to your previous partner. That's exactly what happened, except to an even worse extreme. My 2nd husband wanted someone he could control and make into the kind of wife he thought he should have What he wanted was a wife who would agree with everything he said and did, have sex every time he wanted it, and make the kids into slaves. He took every opportunity to put down everything I did because it wasn't just the way he wanted. He did the same to my kids. We got to the point of hating him and not being willing to do anything he wanted. My kids really got upset after I gave birth to our daughter because he was not nearly as hard on her as he was on them. Finally, he decided that he would give me an ultimatium. Either I would be the kind of wife he wanted or it was over. It was over! I was tired of constantly being hurt and put down and watching my kids be emotionally abused as well. We subsequently got divorced, which was the best decision I ever made.
After that marriage, I started looking again for someone else. This was a big mistake again because I had not taken time to examine the marriage I had just come out of to see what I had done wrong. Along the way, I met a guy named Kevin who was very nice, but it just didn't work out. I tried way too hard with him and appeared too needy in his eyes. The only men you will attract when you act needy are the LOSERS! These are the guys who are after sex, and they figure you are so needy that you'll give it to them. And you know what? Those guys only contact you again when they are horny.
Good men are attracted to independent women. I figured that out eventually but not on my own. I met another guy named Joe who taught me that. I went out with a few losers after that, but nothing was ever serious. What going out with those guys taught me was what I DON'T want out of a relationship, so I could figure out what I DID want and not settle for less. I finally got to a point where I figured there was no one out there and stopped looking. Then, all of a sudden, I found someone very interesting on a site called Tagged. From that point on, I started to learn what a good man is really like, and I will never settle for less than that again. Bill thinks I am the most desireable woman in the world and tells me that I make him happier than he has ever been. He loves me just like I am, and he loves my children just like they were his own. He is my best friend, and I can talk to him about anything.
Remember this: if you want a sucessful relationship, always stay in communication with your partner, never let who you are get lost in what someone else thinks you should be, and treat your love like he is your best friend. Also, take some time to yourself after a breakup to determine what went wrong, and how you can avoid it happening again. Never settle for less than the best for yourself! Blessings to you all!!
My Baby Loves Me - Martina McBride
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
How to Tell if He's a Good Man
Finding a good man (or partner, as the case may be) is not as easy as it sounds. As someone who has had the experience of finding bad ones and finally ending up with an outstanding one, I believe I can tell you that the following list is a good way to determine if the partner you’re thinking about is a good one or not. (Those of you who never had a bad one won’t get it and tend to actually throw the good ones away. Oh well, your loss is definitely our gain!) If the man or partner you’re considering has the following qualities, grab a hold and do NOT let go! I know I won’t be!
1. A really good man treats his mother well but is not a "momma's boy". If he respects his mother and remembers her birthday and Mother’s Day, he is a keeper and lets you know how he will treat you in your relationship.
2. He stands his ground and is not easily influenced by other people’s thoughts or opinions. This shows that he has strength and confidence in his decisions.
3. He is open-minded and respects other points of view.
4. He does things without being asked. When men take the incentive to help you out, it eases your stress, and it proves he really cares about your relationship.
5. Constant communication about things is important in a relationship. Without open communication, there is no relationship. There should be no secrets between two people in a relationship. He should be your best friend, and the one you feel comfortable talking about anything with.
6. A good man puts his family (including the children) first above his own needs.
7. A good man walks the walk. That's right. He isn't all about just talking and telling you what you want to hear. He follows through on what he says he will do.
8. He has good friends and allows you to have good friends. These are friends that will not try to drive a wedge between the two of you, though. They must be friends that will uplift the two of you as a couple.
9. A good man knows when to let things go and doesn't burn bridges. Vengeance isn't worth it to him, and as a result, he takes the high road. It's a true sign of class.
10. The best one of all - a good man accepts you for who you are. He's smitten with you, tells you how beautiful you are without makeup, desires you no matter what, and respects you in every way. He makes you feel good and doesn't belittle you in the relationship, and he is NEVER violent with you. A violent man does NOT really love you. How can you love someone if you’re hurting them? If you feel comfortable and happy whenever you are around him, he's a very, very good man.
A good man will love you for what you are.....right now! Watch the video below.
Trisha Yearwood "Real Live Woman"
1. A really good man treats his mother well but is not a "momma's boy". If he respects his mother and remembers her birthday and Mother’s Day, he is a keeper and lets you know how he will treat you in your relationship.
2. He stands his ground and is not easily influenced by other people’s thoughts or opinions. This shows that he has strength and confidence in his decisions.
3. He is open-minded and respects other points of view.
4. He does things without being asked. When men take the incentive to help you out, it eases your stress, and it proves he really cares about your relationship.
5. Constant communication about things is important in a relationship. Without open communication, there is no relationship. There should be no secrets between two people in a relationship. He should be your best friend, and the one you feel comfortable talking about anything with.
6. A good man puts his family (including the children) first above his own needs.
7. A good man walks the walk. That's right. He isn't all about just talking and telling you what you want to hear. He follows through on what he says he will do.
8. He has good friends and allows you to have good friends. These are friends that will not try to drive a wedge between the two of you, though. They must be friends that will uplift the two of you as a couple.
9. A good man knows when to let things go and doesn't burn bridges. Vengeance isn't worth it to him, and as a result, he takes the high road. It's a true sign of class.
10. The best one of all - a good man accepts you for who you are. He's smitten with you, tells you how beautiful you are without makeup, desires you no matter what, and respects you in every way. He makes you feel good and doesn't belittle you in the relationship, and he is NEVER violent with you. A violent man does NOT really love you. How can you love someone if you’re hurting them? If you feel comfortable and happy whenever you are around him, he's a very, very good man.
A good man will love you for what you are.....right now! Watch the video below.
Trisha Yearwood "Real Live Woman"
Welcome to My Blog!!
Hi, everyone!! Yes, I decided to start my first blog. This blog is here for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, I want to reach out to those women who think they are not pretty enough, smart enough, talented enough, or just plain good enough have all of the things life has to offer. I'm here to tell you that you can have the desires of your heart, but it takes getting to know who you really are and learning what you really want out of your life. Once you determine that, you have to make up your mind that you are going to get out there and grab it, whatever it is!
This blog is also for those women out there who think they just have to have a man to take care of them and feel worthless if they don't have one. Let me tell you something: you don't need a man to be a successful woman. Women who think they always have to have a man are the very ones that attract the LOSERS out there. They actually sense your neediness, and they use it to get what they want! Don't let that be you. You have to take time and see what you can do on your own first. An independent woman is the kind who attracts a quality man.
Finally, I want to use this blog as a way of helping me. It will give me an outlet for my frustrations and personal heartaches and help me find ways of dealing with them.
So let's see where this blog takes us! I pray that I can be a help in some way to all of you!
This blog is also for those women out there who think they just have to have a man to take care of them and feel worthless if they don't have one. Let me tell you something: you don't need a man to be a successful woman. Women who think they always have to have a man are the very ones that attract the LOSERS out there. They actually sense your neediness, and they use it to get what they want! Don't let that be you. You have to take time and see what you can do on your own first. An independent woman is the kind who attracts a quality man.
Finally, I want to use this blog as a way of helping me. It will give me an outlet for my frustrations and personal heartaches and help me find ways of dealing with them.
So let's see where this blog takes us! I pray that I can be a help in some way to all of you!
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